You seem to sin so well

I've always been drawn to the quote "Clean living under difficult circumstances". Borrowed from The Who's musical tale of adolescent angst Quadrophenia, the phrase alludes to life's ongoing struggle for achieving our ideals. Some circumstances may be internal (e.g. an addiction, a phobia, a distorted sense of self) or external (e.g. an unhappy marriage, poverty, unsavory friends). Regardless, I think we lead lives that quite often hit headwinds and turbulent seas; those are the times I want to examine.

As the first blog, I struggled to find the right narrative to properly illustrate the perspective I want to explore. Then it hit me - twice - in successive messages. I thought it was striking that two separate characters would say the exact same thing. One was rock legend Bruce Springtseen, it was a quote from an interview with him filmed during a documentary about his seminal album Darkness on the Edge of Town. The other was actor Steve Buscemi, it was a quote by the main character in the season finale of HBO's Boardwalk Empire series. The identical quote was: "How does a man carry his sins?"

It was a rhetorical question by both men. It implies that the answer will determine how a man lives, how a man loves, how a man thinks, and how a man dies.

Personally, I've struggled with the concept of sin. I understand the Abrahamic faiths' allegory of Adam & Eve and the consequences of their free will. Living in a Judeo-Christian culture, I have to deal with the popular notions of sin and the accompanying guilt in our society. (I was recently surprised to learn that there is not a universal definition of sin in the Christian religion. Some would say it's breaking the Ten Commandments of Moses, whereas others would say it's breaking the Golden Rule of Christ. Some think sin is actual behavior, whereas others would say evil thoughts or intent are enough to commit a sin.) I think the Catholic Church is built upon a healthy respect for sin and its consequences. Due to the Catholic Church's indelible impression on Western culture, I've always maintained that guilt is the grease of the wheel of Western society. I am only able to have that outsider perspective due to my extensive study of Eastern religious thoughts and practices in which there is absolutely no concept of sin. Generally speaking, in Eastern thought, there is karma and the notion of consequences for poor behaviors, but I think the opportunities for redemption are more varied, available, and immediate as compared to the Western path to absolution. Suffice it to say, I think there is a universal concept of transgression against one's fellow man, against one's God, and against one's self.

Let's say you commit a transgression, a series of transgressions, or lifetime of transgressions, what then?

The question implies a recognition of time. That transgression was then, and the future is now.

Having recognized the past, how long do we dwell there? Is our recognition of the past moment instantaneous? Or do we carry our past like a heavy nostalgic burden? Do we see our past as a series of mistakes and poor behaviors? Or do you see our past through those notorious rose colored glasses and ignore our sins?

Coupled with our sense of time, the answer to the question depends on one's sense of rejuvenation or upon one's sense of the possibility of redemption and the source of that rejuvenation or redemption (if indeed it is even possible.)

I've seen people turn their lives upside down over a single infraction of their moral code. I've seen others look upon their wicked lives and utterly reject themselves and those aspects of their base nature, resulting in a full embrace a strict religious practice for the rest of their lives. I've seen others pray for forgiveness, play nice for awhile, return to their evil ways, then repeat the abusive pattern.

Some people wear their sins like a suit, almost with a sense of pride, using it as a method of self-identification and as an excuse for living a life of continued "lesser" transgressions. As the rock lyricist Bob Mould would say , "You seem to sin so well".

Some people might consider failed relationships or their behaviors leading up, during, or after the breakup as a sin. Or they may carry their regret like a burden equally as heavy as any sin. Love and sex have a way of exposing our naked selves to ourselves and others; like a mirror, oftentimes we don't like who and what we see. Yet I think we tend to follow patterns in our relationships; patterns we may ultimately view as sinful; thus creating the notion of a sinful life.

And death beckons us all. I think it's a universal desire to have lived a worthwhile existence. How one measures that worth may depend on their relative burden of sin. And someone's faith in an afterlife or reincarnation is married to their notion of cumulative sin and counterbalancing redemption over a lifetime.

How does a man carry his sins? There is no "right" or "wrong" answer, but your choice defines your life, your death, and your legacy.